6.10Instruction Message: E-Mail Inviting Down-Editing Needs RevisionE-Mail  
The following message, which originated in an international technology company, was intended to inform new team members about their upcoming move to a different office location. But its stream-of-consciousness thinking and jumbled connections leave the receiver confused as to what is expected and how to respond.
Your Task. Study the message. Then revise it with (a) a clear introduction that states the purpose of the message, (b) a body with properly announced lists, and (c) a conclusion that includes a call to action and a deadline. Improve the organization by chunking similar material together. What questions must be answered? What tasks should be performed? Should this message use more of a “you” view?
(Hint: think of grouping similar items together, e.g. group the questions you need to have answered together and group any packing instructions separately. When they are all jumbled as in this example, the questions get lost in the instructions. FYI: the “move map” mentioned here is in effect the floor plan of where the movers are to place items in the new location.)
Note, you will not need to set this message for down-editing as indicated in the book’s instructions.
Use the writing plan in crafting your message. 
  Instruction Message: E-Mail Inviting Down-Editing Needs Revision(L.O. 2)
Hello everyone,We’ll be moving new team members into a new location next week so there are things we need you to do to be ready for themove. For one thing, let me know which Friday you want your personal items moved. The possibilities are November 8 and 15.Also, if you have an ergonomic desk or chair you want moved, let me know. By the way, we’ll be sending boxes, labels, tapeand a move map four or five days before the move date you choose, so let me know if this timeframe allows you enough timeto pack your belongings. And if you are bringing office equipment from your current team to the new team, let me know.Remember that company policy allows you to take a workstation/laptop from your current team to the new workstation. Socheck with your admin and let me know what office equipment you will be bringing. Incidentally, your new workstation willhave a monitor and peripherals.You’ll need to do some things before the movers arrive. Make sure you put foam pads around your valuable, fragile items andthen box them up. This includes things such as IT plaques, glass, or anniversary glass sculptures. If the glass things break,replacing them is expensive and the cost center is responsible for replacement. You may want to move them yourself and nothave the movers do it.Another thing-make sure you pack up the contents of all gray filing cabinets because movers do not move those. Also, writton the move map the number and delivery location of whiteboards, corkboards, and rolling cabinets. Most important, makesure you add a name label to all your belongings, such as desk phones, docking stations, peripherals, monitors,, tables, ergo-nomic desks, ergonomic chairs, etc. If vou see old move labels on recycled boxes, remove them or cross them out.bet Dack to me ASAP. And by the way, the movers will arrive between 4 p.m. and monight on the move date