Midlife and Older Couples
This week will continue to look at relationships as they move into middle adulthood and older adulthood. Relationships continue to change and evolve as they move through the family life cycle. Parents evolve into grandparents and children evolve into young parents themselves. For many, the quality of relationships improve at this stage but new challenges arise as many couples find themselves a part of the sandwich generation, caring for aging parents while simultaneously trying to launch their adult children.
Middle age can be defined by an age range or simply as the time between young adulthood and older adulthood. The definition is influenced by culture, history, a person’s life experiences, society and many other influences. The term mid-life crisis was coined to describe some of the many changes, physical, emotional, spiritual etc. experienced during this time in the life span. However, it is believed that many during middle adulthood successfully navigate these changes without experiencing a “crisis”. Some even view this point in the lifespan as an opportunity to reset and retool for later years.
Marriage during the middle years can be very satisfying as the stress and strains from raising children ease as children begin to leave home. The term empty-nest syndrome, or a time of feeling empty and lonely as children leave the home, is often a misnomer as parents now have more time and energy to focus on themselves and their marriage. While there is usually a time of adjustment, many middle age parents welcome this new found freedom and quickly adjust.
A more recent phenomenon is occurring in some families during the middle years due to substantial economic challenges that force young adult children back into the family home as boomerang kids. Boomerang kids are adult children who left the family nest but are now in need of a safety net and are forced to return to living with their parents. Young adults who return to their parents’ home with their own young children often create a cluttered nest.
In addition to the challenges of adult children returning to the family home, middle age couples also find themselves responsible for providing financial or primary support to their own parents giving this age group the name sandwich generation. All of these occurrences can place challenges and stress on the marital relationship. The strength of the marital relationship will drive how successfully these challenges are met.
For some middle age couples, becoming a grandparent provides an opportunity to develop a new role and new relationships in the family. Grandparenthood can be a time of great joy and fulfillment for many as the grandparent-grandchild relationship grows and evolves. The role of the grandparent can be influenced by culture as well as family dynamics that have played out over the years.
Grandparents raising grandchildren is becoming increasingly common in American society for reasons such as illness, neglect, deployment, substance abuse, divorce and other events leaving parents unable to care for their children. The resulting stress on grandparents can be significant as grandparents may struggle financially, physically and emotionally to meet the needs of their grandchild/grandchildren. Grandparents can benefit from extra support as they take on this additional role of parent.
As life expectancy increases, so does the number of individuals living into older adulthood. It is not uncommon today to hear someone say that age 60 is the new 40. While society has traditionally defined old age as 65, some wonder if this is correct as many individuals now live well into their 80s and beyond. Some divide old age into three categories:
| Young old – ages 65 to 74 | A time of good health and many interests |
| Middle old – ages 75 to 84 | Health problems beginning to increase causing some interference with activities/interests |
| Old old – over age 85 | Failing health with diminishing interests and activities. This group can further be divided into the frail old in order to distinguish from those over 85 who are still active and engaged. |
For many, the process of aging is a psychological one that can be strongly influenced by one’s thoughts and beliefs of their accomplishments of their past and their remaining potential for their future years. Physical health and genetics strongly influences the biological process of aging. Many older adults face ageism as they battle many myths about ageing that are based solely on age.
Older adults experience milestones such as retirement, longevous marriages, chronic illness, death of a spouse and other events that can and may alter their experiences in this stage of life. Our readings this week will give you insight on the impact of these events during this stage of the lifespan.